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In a stereotypical, sexually-charged scenario such as two individuals making-out in the back seat of a car, the meaning of the phrase, “‘No’ means ‘no,'” is clear for most people. But does the absence of a “no,” mean “yes?”Not necessarily, said History and Gender Studies Professor and blogger Hugo Schwyzer when he delivered his “Enthusiastic Consent” speech to a Feminist Club audience in the Campus Center on Nov. 18, as part of the club’s “Consensual Sex Week” program.

According to Schwyzer, confirming the authenticity of a woman’s (or man’s) consent to sexual intercourse is not as easy as one may think.

“There is a difference between the absence of a ‘no’ and the presence of a ‘yes,'” Schwyzer said.

Young people’s feelings are often in conflict with each other. For one to be able to enthusiastically consent to sex is to know when at least three human needs – one’s sexual desires, an emotional sense of safety and the desire to please others – are brought into consideration, said Schwyzer.

One’s desire to please others is possibly the most important issue that young people need to consider when it comes to sex, he said.

“We cannot talk about consent without talking about how we are all socialized to please and take care of others’ needs,” said Schwyzer.

He said in most cultures, as girls grow up they are encouraged to do things for others. In other words, they’re taught that if they love someone, they don’t say no to them.

Whereas, in contemporary American culture, boys are taught to be go-getters, persistent and “don’t take no for an answer,” Schwyzer said.

As a result, when young men are raised to not accept no as an answer and young women are taught to be people-pleasers, he said, “‘no means no,’ and ‘yes means yes’ is a hopelessly insufficient way to [prepare them] to be in a great sexual encounter.”

–In the silent moment that followed, Schwyzer’s words fell heavily on his audience.

Although the topic might have had a devastating effect of some members on the audience, many in attendance were happy to have heard it.

“A talk like this is extremely important, especially for college students,” said Feminist Club member Jocelyn Silva.

Silva said she wished she had heard such a speech at a much younger age. It had left her with an important revelation.

“[Women aren’t] worried about what they want. [They’re] more worried about pleasing others,” she said. She said the fear of disappointing others was a big issue for many women, so to hear Schwyzer encourage the audience to “dare to disappoint” was quite refreshing.

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