Whatever relationship one choses to be in shouldn’t concern anybody else except the participating parties. Same goes for polyamory.
In today’s day and age, people are open to new things and experiences they hadn’t before. We all want to be creative and experimental in every aspect of our lives. An incredibly important component of our lives is a romantic relationship and one of the aspects of polyamory is that the more comfortable and honest we can be with our partners, the happier we are.
The chance to be honest with your partner and stay happy in the relationship is a very valuable thing that we as members of the modern society are lucky to experience.
“Termed “The New Monogamy” in the journal Psychotherapy Networker, is a type of polyamory in which the goal is to have one long-standing relationship and a willingness to openly acknowledge that the long-standing relationship might not meet each partner’s emotional and sexual needs for all time,” according to Rolling Stone.
Polyamory, or non-monogamy, is commonly misinterpreted as polygamy but there is big difference between these two concepts. While polygamy allows people to have more than one spouse and is usually associated with patriarchal religions, polyamory instead distinguishes a clear difference between primary relationships and ones on the side.
Furthermore, polyamory isn’t necessarily applied to married couples only since it’s practiced among all types of relationships. Being in a polyamorous relationship means being open to the possibility of you or your partner dating other people. However, that doesn’t mean that one can date multiple other people without their partner’s knowledge and use polyamory as an excuse. That would be cheating.
A significant part of polyamorous relationships is that both partners are allowed to date somebody else, but they separate their lovers into two categories: primary partners and secondary partners.
Primary relationships are always the most important ones and both of the partners usually agree on that. In fact, people who practice polyamory want to experience the so-called “new relationship energy” which usually diminishes in a long-term relationship.
Polyamorous relationships require trust and honesty from both partners.
Though it’s practiced by many people nowadays, society seems to have a hard time accepting it. It is understandable, since we live in the era of constant change and the world is not the same as it used to be even 10 years ago. Societal norms and values are always evolving, which makes it harder to keep up with the progress.
Everybody has the right to have their relationships the way they want it.
Personally, I’m not quite ready for a polyamorous relationship but I wholeheartedly support anyone who is. It’s a personal preference that should be respected and acknowledged by the public. Just because it’s not traditional doesn’t automatically mean that it’s wrong or immoral.
These individuals are in committed loving relationships and don’t deserve to be persecuted because of ignorance and the public’s unwillingness to accept change.
- Lancers’ Lives: Living the dream at PCC - June 13, 2017
- Polyamory is between you and your partner - June 13, 2017
- Shame on vote shamers - May 25, 2017
As a person that believes in Ethical Nonmonogamy, and a Relationship Anarchist who practices Polyamory and has for near 20 years, as well as an educator and activist in the community, I am saddened by the single sided approach to this article. WIth all the resources available on the internet, the author only chose to put forth one example of a relationship model that has many shapes and configurations. Once again, we are only seeing Hierarchical Polyamory represented. There are many different ways and not all of them need to have “primary ” and “secondary” partners.
I have most issue with these 2 sentences, as I feel they misrepresent polyamory as a Monogamy + model of relationships.
“A significant part of polyamorous relationships is that both partners are allowed to date somebody else, but they separate their lovers into two categories: primary partners and secondary partners.
Primary relationships are always the most important ones and both of the partners usually agree on that. In fact, people who practice polyamory want to experience the so-called “new relationship energy” which usually diminishes in a long-term relationship.”- This is anecdotal and not necessarily the norm. WHile it is one way to do it .. there are many others.
Many polyamorists are practicing a relationship model of personal autonomy, respect for privacy, and individuality, that monogamy + models do not allow room for. Also known as Relationship ANarchy, a model of relationship practiced in many types of relationships including monogamy, focuses on the individual and the rejection that societal scripts should dictate our relationships. The underlying ideal n R/A is that noone can tell the practicer what their relationships should look like. That it is the responsibility of each individual participating in the relationships to build a relationship that works for them.
Should that be one of a polyamorous nature, then the ethics of polyamory state that each person involved be aware and accepting that ‘this one individual’ is practicing Polyamory, and with no expectation that the others involve also subscribe to that model. While often times they do follow that model, they are not required or expected to.
To the second point that “….Primaries are always most important”- this too is an incorrect assumption of primary relationships. Primary relationships are what the individuals in the relationships define them as. SOme may be nesting partners and not sexually or romantically involved at all, however they support each other with cohabitation and financially. Others may have multiple “primary” partners as they define “primary” as “the one I am with right now in this moment” . Meaning the one that is currently receiving the most and or immediate attention.
And others consider themselves to be primary. As such , no other comes before self and the needs of the self will always be paramount to those of another.
This ideal is based on a couple approach and privilege. This is an ideal that is promoted in the media to make polyamory more palatable by those socially scripted monogamists who make our rules and laws. This idea, while it is to some how polyamory is practiced, is not a significant part of Polyamory. Most polyamorists I know do not separate their lovers. Love is an infinite resource and as such cannot be quantified, divided, and handed out in little boxes for each partner one has. There is no no such thing as “I love you most”. There is only “I love you” . And freely accepting what is freely given, in the moment with no expectation or assumption, is the most rewarding love one can share.
The article has a great title, yet I think it misses the mark to actually show Polyamory as a relationship model that is inclusive, adaptable, and individual to those in the relationship. Instead, it comes through a very narrow lens and I think that is a disservice to the reader who may be coming to get an idea of how polyamory can be a break from the norm for them. It only shows a couple based style of a relationship model that is neither new nor unorthodox.
In the future, I would invite the author to engage with those who are inpractice of the relationships styles, the organizations and communities involved and offer a stronger, more inclusive argument for those you wish to ally with. I think the author’s sentiment is good and agree that all people deserve the freedom to freely love those they wish, without regard to number involved, so long as all involved are consenting adults to the relationship.