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It’s 9:25 A.M. on  Monday morning, or “Jizz Time” as the elevator doors in student parking lot 4 have so eloquently put it.

The elevators here on campus give me flashbacks of the “Tower of Terror” ride, rest in peace,  at Disney’s California Adventures. They’re old, creaky, and possibly haunted.

There are several buttons that do absolutely nothing when you press them, wires sticking out of sockets and the occasional inflated condom floating around as if it were a balloon from “IT.”

Getting into almost any elevator in the parking lots here on campus, I feel like a contestant on “The Price is Right,” as I never know what lies behind each door.

If Forrest Gump were a real person, he could easily swap out a box of chocolate for an elevator on campus because you never know what you’re going to get.

It’s almost as if the elevators here are a free-for-all and once the doors close, all hell breaks loose.

The third elevator on the far right of student lot 3 only goes down to the second floor and if you want to get to the ground floor, you’re forced to take the stairs.

If you ever find yourself stuck in this particular elevator and need to use the emergency telephone to call for help, you’re on your own as the telephone is disconnected.

Need to know what floor you’re stuck on? Good luck! The floors have been re-labeled from G through 5 to “K” “A” “E” “O” and “H” by a sharpie.

If you’re on the ground floor and press the button to call the elevator, your finger sinks into the wall as if you were poking the pillsbury dough boy’s stomach.

The elevators in the parking lots here on campus are so lazy, they give Garfield the cat a run for his money.

As ridiculous as an elevator ride on campus is, it at least gives me something to look forward to on my way to class each morning.

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